TL;DR
Turn quiet afternoons into listening time
- Thousands of audiobooks, podcasts and originals
- Listen on your phone, tablet or Echo — also offline
- Cancel anytime
In a Tiny Buddha essay, psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman describes how trying to get everything right can turn ordinary tradeoffs into feelings of failure. He says he is learning to see choices as choices rather than evidence that he has failed, illustrated by his response to an unexpected hospital visit.
Psychotherapist Steve Hauptman argues in a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha that trying to control every part of life at once can make unavoidable tradeoffs feel like failure. He describes learning to accept that choosing one priority often means setting another aside, a perspective he says helped him respond more calmly during an unexpected hospital visit.
Hauptman uses a Rubik’s Cube as a metaphor for competing priorities: concentrating on one area can leave others unsettled. He lists choices familiar from his own life, including seeing clients or doing housework, spending time with family or writing, and socializing or monitoring his weight. “The one thing I can’t do is everything,” he writes.
He describes what he calls three paradoxes of control. In his account, the more control someone needs, the less in control they may feel; attempts to control other people can prompt resistance; and gaining control in one area can mean giving it up elsewhere. These are Hauptman’s reflections, not findings from a study cited in the essay.
To illustrate the personal cost of competing demands, Hauptman gives examples involving alcohol use, career success, parenting and concealing depression. He says he used to treat an untidy house, a missed writing session or a food choice as proof he had fallen short. He now tries to view those situations as signs that he made a choice, with a corresponding cost.
How Priorities Shape Daily Choices
The essay speaks to readers who feel pressure to perform well across work, family, health and personal goals at the same time. Hauptman’s central point is that tradeoffs are part of choosing: time spent on one task is unavailable for another. Treating every unmet goal as a personal failure can add blame to an already limited day.
His account also offers a modest example of how his own outlook changed under stress. After a doctor found a cardiogram irregularity that suggested a possible transient ischemic attack, Hauptman says he followed the instruction to go to the emergency room. While tests were conducted, he had to cancel six client sessions, reassure his wife by phone and wait. He says he took a nap instead of reacting with the frustration he expected from himself. The essay does not claim that acceptance changes medical outcomes; it describes a change in his response to uncertainty.
mindfulness journal for stress management
As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.
As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.
Hauptman introduces his argument with an encounter with a speed-cuber who could solve a Rubik’s Cube in about a minute. He says the sight stirred envy because he saw his own life as an unsolved puzzle, with improvement on one side seeming to make other sides harder to manage.
He identifies himself as a “control addict,” using the phrase to describe a desire for reality and other people to match one’s expectations, rather than to mean that everyone is domineering. Hauptman is a licensed clinical social worker and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015. The essay is a first-person reflection and does not report new research, clinical guidance or a change in policy.
““The one thing I can’t do is everything.””
— Steve Hauptman, in the Tiny Buddha essay
Limits of the Personal Account
The source presents Hauptman’s personal experience and interpretation; it does not establish how broadly his observations apply or cite evidence testing them. The essay also does not give a publication date. In the hospital episode, Hauptman says a cardiogram showed a blip that suggested a possible TIA and that he underwent tests, but he does not state the test results or whether a diagnosis was made.
No Follow-Up Reported
The source does not announce a next milestone or a planned follow-up to the essay. It says a revised edition of Hauptman’s book was forthcoming when the author biography was written, but provides no release date or later status. The hospital account ends with his description of taking a nap; no further medical outcome is included.
Key Questions
What is the essay’s main argument?
Hauptman says people cannot manage every priority at once. He argues that a choice to focus on one area often means another receives less attention.
Who wrote the essay?
Steve Hauptman, a licensed clinical social worker and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, wrote the essay published by Tiny Buddha.
What happened during Hauptman’s hospital visit?
He says a doctor found a cardiogram irregularity that suggested a possible TIA and directed him to the emergency room. Hauptman reports waiting for tests and taking a nap, but the essay does not give the test results or a diagnosis.
Does the essay offer medical advice?
No. It is a personal reflection about control and competing priorities. Its hospital story does not provide medical guidance or establish a treatment recommendation.
Source: rss
Cold & flu season Picks
humidifiers
As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.
